Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
