if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
