It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
