I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
