Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
