Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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