Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
