She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
