she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
