well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
