I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
