Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
