Need sex. Gaining weight.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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