how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
