You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
