I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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