He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
