you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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