how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
