I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
