Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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