i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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