Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
