The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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