i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
