Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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