i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I smell like Dick and happiness
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
