watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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