piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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