we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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