..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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