i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
