I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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