Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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