Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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