I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
