Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
