Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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