apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
