Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
