doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
