So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
