I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
