If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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