I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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