im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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