There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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