you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
