So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
