HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
