she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
