So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
