I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can text with my tongue
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
