oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
