My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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