was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
