What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
