So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
