My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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