If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
