I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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