Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
