in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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