My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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