And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
