There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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