it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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